The One Where Monica Doesn't Clean
by bryswym
Summary: Joey, Chandler, and Rachel make a funny bet.


ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. –MONICA'S APARTMENT-EARLY MORNING

Monica is making waffles. Phoebe walks out of her bedroom, rubbing her eyes, with messy hair. She just woke up.

**PHOEBE**

Why do the people who live here wake up so early?

**MONICA**

Did I wake you? Sorry. I'm making waffles and watching Rachel Ray. I didn't think I was that loud.

**PHOEBE**

_(Shrugs) _Whatever. I haven't gotten any sleep since I moved in. I had a really weird dream last night. _(Walks over to counter and takes cereal out of cabinet. Begins pouring it into a bowl. Crumbs spill on counter and Phoebe makes no effort to clean it up. Monica notices but doesn't say anything.)_

**MONICA**

What happened in your dream?

**PHOEBE**

Oh...nothing.

**MONICA**

Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! _(Nonchalantly walks over to spilled cereal as Phoebe walks away. Begins cleaning it.)_

**PHOEBE**

Well, I was at the park with my future children and I was swinging them on the swings and I look to my left and there was Joey.

**MONICA**

_(Laughs) _Joey? What was he doing? Was he the nanny?

**PHOEBE**

Not exactly…

**MONICA**

Stalker? Babysitter? Ooh! Ooh! I got it! Park Ranger!

**PHOEBE**

No…none of those.

**MONICA**

Ok well what then!

**PHOEBE**

When I looked at him, he smiled. Like with this sincerely happy smile. Like he was so happy to be where he was. I'm pretty sure he was my husband, Mon.

**MONICA**

_(Laughs hysterically) _That's so funny. Wow.

**PHOEBE**

Stop! I'm being serious! Remember when I went to that fortune teller that one time?

**MONICA**

_(Trying with all of her power to maintain a serious face.) _You go to those like once a week.

**PHOEBE**

Well, one of them once told me that dreams are our brain's way of predicting our ideal future. Maybe that's what I want. Maybe he's the one!

**MONICA**

Woah. Slow down. This is Joey you're talking about.

**PHOEBE**

What? We're best friends? We know each other so well. We hang out all the time and have so much fun. Who knows what could happen?

**MONICA**

He's like a big brother. You know him. Plus, he's so immature. He doesn't really think things through.

**PHOEBE**

But he could be good if he wanted to. And he's not dumb. He has his moments but most of the things he says sound smart.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

INT.- CENTRAL PERK- EARLY MORNING

_(Joey and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Chandler is reading the newspaper and Joey is texting. Joey finishes his text and closes his phone.)_

**JOEY**

You know, I read online yesterday that if you plug your phone charger into a watermelon, it charges it.

**CHANDLER**

_(Laughs)_ No way. There's no electricity in a watermelon.

**JOEY**

It said the juice has the same effect as the juice in batteries. And it was confirmed by scientists.

**CHANDLER**

What kind of scientist? The cashier at the grocery store? They don't have degrees. I read that if you put it in the microwave for a minute, it charges the battery. Now that's proven.

**JOEY**

Well-well I bet the watermelon will charge it faster. Let's bet on it. Loser cleans the apartment.

**CHANDLER**

You have a deal. (_Chandler and Joey shake hands.)_

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

INT-MONICA'S APARTMENT

Rachel and Monica are cooking. Joey and chandler enter. Noon.

**JOEY**

Do you girls by any chance have a watermelon lying around somewhere here?

**RACHEL**

What could you possibly need a watermelon for? They're not even in season. It's October.

**CHANDLER**

We made a bet. Joey read online that you can charge your phone by plugging it into a watermelon but I told him he's stupid.

**RACHEL**

_(Laughs) _I always knew you were special, Joe.

**CHANDLER**

I know, right? I told him putting it in the microwave would work better.

**MONICA**

_(Bursts out laughing)_

**CHANDLER**

What? (_Genuinely passionate about this) _I read it online!

**RACHEL**

I bet if I plugged my phone in the wall like a normal person my phone would charge faster.

**CHANDLER**

Bet it won't. Microwave only takes a minute.

**JOEY**

All I know is, I won't be cleaning the apartment.

**MONICA**

I volunteer! I'll do it!

**CHANDLER**

_(Rolls eyes) _Monica. It's a bet. You have to lose first.

**MONICA**

_(Looks down. Disappointed) _Oh.

**JOEY**

I just realized. I don't even know where I would buy a watermelon. Or any food.

**RACHEL**

_(Laughs) _The grocery store is a block away.

**JOEY**

_(Is clearly clueless)_ But…I don't know… how to get there. Or what section it's in.

**MONICA**

Okay. Fine. We'll come with you. Come on, Rach.

**RACHEL**

I'm not going. I have a bet to win.

**CHANDLER**

You're siding with him? Come on, Mon. You're supposed to be with me.

**MONICA**

I know, but-

**PHOEBE**

_(Comes out of bedroom) _I'll take him. My mom used to take me there when I was younger. Phil's box is on that street! I haven't seen him in a while. Maybe he's home.

_(Friends make a face, share a look, but ignore Phoebe's comment)_

__**JOEY**

Alright, Pheebs. Let's go. See, someone supports me. (_Makes "I told you so face")_

_Phoebe and Joey exit._

END OF ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

INT.- ROSS'S ROOM-SAME TIME

Rachel walks in. Ross is sitting on his bed, reading a paleontology article.

**RACHEL**

Do you have a good iPhone charger? Mine's cheap. It charges so slow.

**ROSS**

Yeah, I have the one that came with my phone, why?

**RACHEL**

Joey, Chandler, and I have a bet.

**ROSS**

Of who has the best phone charger? (_Laughs and shakes his head)_

**RACHEL**

No. Joey thinks plugging his charger into a watermelon will charge it. And Chandler's going to put his in the microwave. Whoever's charges fastest wins.

**ROSS**

I heard that, too. _(Sees Rachel's annoyed face)_ I mean, of course. You're right, honey. Here's my charger. _(Pulls charger out of bag and hands it to Rachel)_

**RACHEL**

_(Perks up)_ Thank you! You might want to stick with me on this one, because losers clean the apartment.

**ROSS**

_(Bites his tongue, nods)_

END OF ACT FOUR

ACT FIVE

INT.-MONICA'S APARTMENT- TWO HOURS LATER

Phoebe and Joey walk in carrying six bags of food. Monica is still cooking, now by herself.

**MONICA**

I didn't know you two owned the grocery store.

**PHOEBE**

We got a little carried away. That place has everything! I could live there!

**JOEY**

Yeah, I think we bought all the pickles they had.

**MONICA**

Where's the watermelon?

**JOEY**

What watermelon? _(Realizes he had forgotten)_ …Oh. _(Drops bags and turns around. Leaves apartment. Phoebe looks confused, but follows him. Monica immediately picks up bags and begins sorting the contents.)_

END OF ACT FIVE

ACT SIX

INT.- MONICA AND RACHEL'S APARTMENT, 8:00 PM

**CHANDLER**

I'm about to prove all you suckers wrong. Got your cleaning supplies ready? _(Opens microwave and places phone in. Meticulously sets it for one minute with a satisfied grin on his face. Joey starts looking nervous. Chandler hits start. Phone spins around for a few seconds, and then sparks are seen. After eight seconds, an explosion is heard._ _Friends are shocked.) _I just got that phone!

_(Rachel and Joey high-five, Monica rubs Chandler's back, trying to suppress laughter.)_

**RACHEL**

Alright. My turn. _(Takes charger and plugs one end into the wall. Plugs other end into completely dead cell phone. Display lights up, and begins charging. Rachel smiles.) _Ha. (Seconds later, lights flicker and then go out completely.)

**MONICA**

Oh my god! Finally! I've been waiting so long for this! I can finally use all the candles I bought!

**PHOEBE**

So you're the one who turned the power off?

_(Friends exchange a look and ignore the comment. Monica runs to get her candles from the closet.)_

**JOEY**

_(Walks into the apartment with a bowl in one hand and a massive watermelon in the other. There is a pile of salt in the bowl.) _ Hey! What happened to the light!

**PHOEBE**

Monica turned the power off because she wanted to use her candles.

**RACHEL**

_(Speaks into phone) _Hi Gunther. What the hell happened to the power?

**JOEY**

_(Laughs and whispers into Phoebe's ear) _Looks like she's not winning the bet. _(Walks over to sink and fills bowl with water. Places it carefully on the kitchen table and admires it.)_

**RACHEL**

-Just please turn it on as soon as possible. Yeah. Thanks. _(Closes phone with attitude.) _Some people are so incompetent.

**JOEY**

Is everyone ready? I'm about to blow your minds. _(Friends roll eyes. Joey places watermelon in salt water. Pulls phone charger out of his pocket and plugs wall end into watermelon. Phone screen lights up. Everyone gasps.)_ HA!

**RACHEL**

Did that really just happen?

**CHANDLER**

I didn't think someone so incredibly stupid could be right about something so incredibly ridiculous.

**MONICA**

Says the guy who just fried his phone in the microwave.

**CHANDLER**

True.

**JOEY**

_(Goes to closet and pulls out two brooms. Hands one to Rachel and one to Chandler)_ Well, here you go. I figure you'll need these. I'm pretty sure someone spills the pretzels all over the couch. So have fun with that!

**RACHEL**

_(Begins to argue) _This isn't fair because the power went out or else I would have won!

**JOEY**

Rules are rules Rach. Take the broom.

**RACHEL**

_(Groans) _Fine. Let's get this over with. Come on, Chandler.

**CHANDLER**

_(Examining the pieces of his phone) _Do you think they'll warranty this?

**RACHEL**

No, honey. But it's okay. _(Pulls him out the room)_

**MONICA**

_(Looks at watch) _Oh, shoot.

**ROSS**

What?

**MONICA**

We're late! For our parents! It's dad's birthday. He's gonna be so mad.

_Ross and Monica sprint to their rooms._

**JOEY**

Well that leaves the afternoon to us. What do you want to do Pheebs?

**PHOEBE**

I don't know. Whatever you want. You won the bet.

_Lights turn back on._

**JOEY**

Want to catch a movie at that old theatre down the street?

**PHOEBE**

Sure. That sounds good. I hear they're playing that movie about the psychic.

**JOEY**

Not another one of those!

**PHOEBE**

I can't help it. They're so cool. Pleeeeease?

**JOEY**

Sure. Whatever you want.

**PHOEBE**

_(Hugs him) _You're the best!

_Joey is taken aback by this, but flattered. Puts his arm around Phoebe and they leave._

END OF ACT SIX

ACT SEVEN

INT.- CHANDLER AND JOEY'S APARTMENT-AN HOUR LATER

**RACHEL**

I can't believe I'm wiping vomit off of a wall. It's not even mine.

**CHANDLER**

That may or may not be my friend Jack's.

**RACHEL**

_(Grimaces. Then pauses.) _Why aren't we invited to your parties?

**CHANDLER**

Because it's guy's night.

**RACHEL**

What do you guys do? Get crazy drunk and crash the place?

**CHANDLER**

Basically.

**RACHEL**

_(Laughs sarcastically)_ You're disgusting.

**CHANDLER**

Oh, please. You wish you were invited.

**RACHEL**

No. Monica and I have plenty of fun by ourselves.

**CHANDLER**

Really? How so?

**RACHEL**

Oh, you know, we do our nails and stuff. Some shopping.

**CHANDLER**

I'd rather watch paint dry.

**RACHEL**

Ok fine. It is a little boring. But it's fine. We don't want to go anyway.

**CHANDLER**

_(Sarcastically) _Yeah, okay. I'll believe that when I see it.

END OF ACT SEVEN

ACT EIGHT

EXT.- CITY STREET-LATE NIGHT

Joey and Phoebe are walking home from the theatre. It is brisk, so they are both a little bit cold. Joey has his arm around Phoebe.

**PHOEBE**

I told you the girl's prediction would come true! I knew it! And I haven't even seen it before. Oh my god Joey I'm psychic! _(Jumps up and down)_

**JOEY**

Think you can tell the future, huh? I bet you couldn't predict this. _(Kisses her.)_

**PHOEBE**

_(Ruins the moment)_ Nope. I predicted this too. I had a dream last night. I knew they were real! I knew it!

**JOEY**

_(Laughs and shakes his head)_ Well you got me. You've got everything figured it don't you? _(Joey takes Phoebe's hand and they walk in silence for a few moments.)_

**PHOEBE**

You know, this is kind of perfect.

**JOEY**

I can't think of any other place I'd rather be. _(Pauses)_ Well, except maybe cleaning the apartment.

**PHOEBE**

_(Laughs) _I'm really glad you won that bet.

**JOEY**

Me too, Pheebs. Me too.

END OF ACT EIGHT


End file.
